What the hell was that?!

ibeemma @ 2008-09-29T13:13:00

2008-09-29T17:29:45Z

Ok, so. It's been awhile. A bit over a month, really.

I haven't seen Kate for a long time. Not since the you-are-mentally-ill episode. After that I was really depressed, I cried and then the pain went away after a while. But it's not so much out of losing Kate, it's about being straight in a gay world. If someone like Kate can't accept me for liking boys, how the hell are other people (the majority) who are more prejudiced and shit than her going to? I guess I never realized how hard it was to be a minority before.

But, yeah. Kate is gone. I'll just have to live with that.

A few weeks ago I met this transboy, Amy/Eric. Well, Amy is his legal name but he likes Eric. He really helped me get through my rough patch after Kate left. He's so sweet.

Anyway, so... he took me out on a date, yesterday. Ice cream :) We're still getting to know each other, so it was nice to just be able to talk like that. Plus, no one stared at us for being a hetero couple.

ibeemma @ 2008-08-26T18:45:00

2008-08-26T22:46:43Z

Fuck.

Don't tell me my shirt is straight.
My shirt is not alive, and therefore has no sexual orientation.
And then you use "gay" to be mean cool.

Right.

Fuck. You.

ibeemma @ 2008-08-10T22:10:00

2008-08-11T02:28:41Z

Sorry for the delay guys... it's been hectic.

Ok, so. After I mostly got over being rejected by Kate, which did take some crying and all, I started looking around on some bi/straight dating sites. Just to look, you know? I think there's actually more here on livejournal that I would use, since it's free :P

I don't know. The more I looked at the pictures of the girls, the more I had to convice myself that I found them attractive. Then I let myself look at the boys, and whooo.

I think I'm finally starting to accept this... that yes, I really am attracted to boys, and no, I'm not attracted to girls... that way. I don't know, they just don't do anything for me, you know?

So... long story short, I think I might be straight.

Have you ever heard of Carlos Mencia? I saw this skit of his once, when he was dressed up as psuedo-Barney and these little kids were supposed to be calling him, and this one little boy goes "Carlos? I think I might be straight." So he sings a song:

"If you think you might be straight then you're straight! *clap clap* If you think you might be straight then you're straight! *clap clap* If you think you might be straight and dream of boning Mrs. Bate, if you think you might be straight then you're straight! *clap clap*"

Then the kid goes "Thanks Carlos! Hey mom, I'm straight!"

I love it.

Anyhow... I think he's right, eh?

So... I guess what this long-winded entry was about... well, I'm straight.

Beware: Rant Ahead

2008-08-04T04:41:05Z

Being heterosexual is not a mental illness.
Neither is being bisexual.

So don't you fucking tell me that I 'need help.'
Don't leave a list of psychiatrists that you printed out with my damn ink on my kitchen table.
Don't give me a scared look when you see me. I'm not going to devour your pure little soul with my evil hetero ways.

Shit

2008-08-03T13:04:58Z

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

Kate found my journal. I didn't think she'd go snooping around on me. Guess I'll have to start deleting my history :/

We were supposed to go out last night. She came over looking all stressed out. We ended up just sitting on the couch all night. It went something like this:

Me: What's wrong?
Kate: I don't know.
Me: ... you don't know?
Kate: (shakes head, pauses, looks at me) Why didn't you tell me you started a journal?
Me: ..... You read it?
Kate: (looks away)
Me: ....... Well?
Kate: Well...
Me: Are you okay with me being bi?
Kate: ... I just, it's not normal, you know?
Me: (Mental sigh.) That's a no?
Kate: ... Well.. I just, I can't see how this is going to work.
Me: You mean us?
Kate: (nods)
Me: ...
Kate: (looks at me again) Emma, I think you need help. You're sick. I know where to find---
Me: (bolting up) Fuck you too! (leaves the house and slams the door)

First experience being "outed." That was fun.

ibeemma @ 2008-08-02T20:00:00

2008-08-03T00:02:06Z

Huh.

Livejournal is quite a friendly place. All these random people I don't know are adding me of all a sudden.

I blame the monkeys.

First post

2008-08-01T01:37:16Z

Ok so... I'm Emma and I'm 18. Hiya.

So... I'm currently in a relationship, her name is Kate. But I don't know.. I feel like I'm cheating her. I just so badly want to be gay like I'm "supposed" to... I think I might be bi. 'Cuz I know for a fact that I'm attracted to boys. However much I wish I wasn't.

I don't know. Breeders aren't even allowed in the goddamn army of this 'free' country. Not that I personally mind, but there has to be alot of bis and straights that are really frustrated by that. Seems like I hear another story every week about somebody coming out and getting booted out.

And that whole "technology exists for a reason" thing is shit. It's natural damn it.

I said that once to someone and they were just, I don't even know how to describe it. That facial expression, just utter superiority to stupid little breeder chick. Anyhow they (predictably) said "Forward facing eyes and pointed teeth."

No. Fuck you. We aren't naturally meant to eat each other. GDIAF.